So I call this my angry blog..aimed towards the man I don’t want to love because he broke my heart and tore it into a million pieces and I still love him. Why didn’t you try harder? Why were you afraid when you knew that I always told you not to worry, you knew I understood every situation the best way I could..why did I have to give 99% and barely receive 1!?!? I wasn’t difficult, I loved you with all my heart and soul, and pictured a future together and you just didn’t try. Why was I the one mainly trying and fighting and defending, why couldn’t you fight and defend what we had. Now I’m stuck here in this place alone, heart broken, numb, and the person who broke my heart is the one I want to fix it. Why couldn’t you fight harder?? Why did it have to end up that now I regret nearly everything, and I have to hold on to bried minor memories of sweet words. Why did I bother, can you answer that?

So I haven’t blogged in a while, so I figured today would work right before my German class. I hate it when you find that one person who you truly love, would give your all for, and you can clearly see them in your future. Than things seem to go bad, and hit the fan..and its like all the sudden your losing hope. I don’t mind being on break from a person, but the pain is just so hard and seems impossible to handle sometimes. I know initially it is for the better and hey things will work out, but I am in a constant battle with myself on the fact that I feel like we will never become a “we” because of this time away. Distance kills, but at the same time it makes the heart grow fonder and you begin to see why you want to stay in a persons life so much. I’m only 19..and yet I can see my whole entire future with one person and I can’t seem to let go…love truly does bite and it doesn’t make a person feel good. State of mind right now, I feel like a hole has been punched through my heart and I want it to be mended again but I can’t have that hole filled by someone now..so so weird.